Frustration

I would like to take this opportunity to express my frustrations. First, I went to the doctor today to have my baseline done so I could begin round 2 of this infertility nightmare. When I spoke with Dr. K last week we discussed doing straight injections this round...no clomid. So, I get there and get the all clear to go ahead. I sit down with the nurse and we go over the "recipe" for this month which includes straight injections. I ask questions. I get answers. Josh and I are told to begin injections today at 125iui until Sunday night and then go in on Monday morning for a sono. Easy enough, I am satisfied so Josh and I get up to leave...aka pay for the services and go home. Now, let's back up a month to the first procedure. I went to pay expecting it to be my $20 co pay like it was all during the year of 2008, granted it was now January 2009 but what difference did that make, right? Apparently my insurance considers what the doctor's office used to do as insurance fraud so they can't do it anymore. What they used to do was code it as diagnostic sonograms since they were tracking to see if I was working right and the insurance company said if I was on fertility medicine it wasn't diagnostic. Okay, it makes sense but a little NOTICE or VERBAL communication would have been appreciated. So anyway, I get up the first time to pay my $20 copay only to be slapped with an $825 "global fee." What the crap is a "global fee." Is that a fancy way for doctor's to steal my money? Well, lucky for us I had money on my medical debit card and charged it. Then I picked Josh up off the floor and we left. I experienced the side effects of sticker shock after that so I told myself that wouldn't happen again. First of all, the doctor's office should have mentioned this to me PRIOR to my appointment. Second of all, the insurance company should have mentioned this to me PRIOR to the change in 2009. Having said that, both failed at their perspective jobs. Now, let's fast forward back to today. So we get up to pay our "global fee" of $825 feeling pretty good about the fact we knew we had to pay this amount of money today I might add. Well, do you know what I was told when I got the counter? $1340 please. WTF???? Are you serious? What happened to $825? So apparently, a straight injection cycle bumps the price up by $515!!!!!!!!!!! ONCE AGAIN, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE FOR SOMEONE, SOMETIME BETWEEN LAST WEEK AND THIS WEEK TO HAVE TOLD ME THAT!!!!! I'm just saying that would have been a nice gesture. Needless to say, we don't have an extra $515 to spend toward this already astronomical procedure so I was standing there, mouth dropped open, like what do we do now, hoping and praying Josh had some type of divine intervention to shed light on this situation. No such luck. He practically had a heart attack just standing there. In fact, I'm pretty sure I actually saw puffs of smoke coming out of his ears. So, the nurse sees the horrified look coming from both of us and scurries off to safety. Actually, it turns out she went to consult the doctor about what to do. He told her we could just do another clomid cycle. Now, let's stop right here and discuss the obvious reasons why this answer sucks a lot. Number one would be the fact that last week on the phone he said I had a better chance at getting pregnant with straight injectibles because we could recruit more follicles. His words, not mine. Number two would be the fact that if he thought another clomid cycle would do the trick why wouldn't he have suggested that to start with? Number three would be the obvious that my body has not had a good track record with response to clomid after the 6th cycle we used it. Since then, no amount of clomid has done anything to my ovaries. Number four would be the fact that if he believes I have a better chance of becoming pregnant on a straight injection cycle and he clearly knows (given this situation) money is an issue, why wouldn’t he have just said let’s just stop this cycle and wait until you and your husband have enough money to do a straight injection cycle so we aren’t spinning our wheels and money at a chance that could be much larger if given injections only. So I bet at this point you are asking yourself the same questions I did…why the hell are you suggesting another clomid cycle? But it doesn’t look like either of us is going to get that answer because I was unable to ask the question…out loud. So I somehow manage to mutter the words to the nurse about what dosage of injections I would be taking because last month we started at 75iui and that didn’t seem to have any major effects so he bumped me to 125iui and we got 1 follicle. She said it would be 5 days of clomid and then starting on day 3 of clomid I would begin 125iui and come in on Monday for a sono. So, basically it was almost the same “recipe” just adding in some clomid and taking away 2 days of injections. Well, we didn’t really have a choice because I want a baby (so does Josh but he doesn’t have the urge to kill others over it yet). So we pay the $825 and agree to do a clomid cycle. The whole way home Josh and I discuss what just happened and get nowhere until I come up with this marvelous plan. Since I happened to have known what the original “recipe” was going to be and I happen to have left over medicine from last cycle I just plan on doing the first “recipe” but paying the doctor the fee for the second one. Call me crazy but after writing down the two “recipes” and putting them side by side it really boiled down to money in “global fees.” Having said that, I begin my injection of 125iui tonight. Wish me luck.

Round 2

So after getting our big fat no, we decided to try again. Dr. K assured me that he felt good about us getting pregnant this way so we decided to take a leap of faith and a huge bundle of cash and go for it! I go in for my baseline tomorrow morning. I am secretly hoping that a few of the follicles that weren't "ripe" enough before will still be there so we don't have as long to wait for growth. I actually don't even know if that is possible...but I'm hoping for it! :-) I'm also hoping that my right side starts doing something. I don't think it is very nice of my right ovary to expect my left ovary to do all the work every month. I'm just saying...it would be nice if they would both work and give me many follicles to stimulate and then we would have a higher chance of actually getting pregnant! So, that's where we are...back at square one. Still optimistic but really, REALLY, praying this round works. In the meantime, I'm occupying my time by applying for administrative positions. That should keep me busy. Portfolio and resume here I come!

It's a big FAT NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, crap. It's a no. I got the blood results today and it's a negative. So...we are choosing to focus on the positive...though it's not as easy as I would like it to be we are just pushing on! What else can you do?

Teacher of the Year!

I started out my day pretty normal. Only a few minor hiccups before I took my 22 students on a field trip, so that means a pretty good day. After school, we had a faculty meeting with the superintendent where they announced Employee of the Year and Teacher of the Year. I was awarded Teacher of the Year!!!! I was truly shocked and speechless! I know it's hard to believe I was speechless...but I was. I didn't know what to say so I just smiled. Shortly after the trill of winning such an honor, I realized I was spotting and all my happy thoughts just seemed to crash down. It's hard to celebrate when secretly in the back of my mind I think, "Oh, not again...after spending $5,000 on this procedure I'm still NOT pregnant." But I guess you have to take one day at a time so for now I choose to celebrate my accomplishment and leave the rest to God because I can't take the stress anymore!

Valentine's Day

So in the midst of all the baby fever I didn't mention how wonderful my husband is...he surprised me with the diamond open heart pendant necklace for Valentine's Day!!! What a sweetie! I love him so much! :-)

Count down

Okay, so I am on day 28 of my 33 day cycle. That makes 9 days post IUI and 11 days post trigger shot. I took a hpt today it was BFN so that means that the trigger shot is out of my system. My BBT was 98.73 this morning which is a good sign, but still it's too early to tell if this procedure is going to result in a BFP!!! Friday is the important day. I probably won't make it to Friday before I take another hpt, but I'll try. :-)

5 Days down...9 more to go

AHHHH!!! This whole waiting thing is killing me. I swear I have all the early signs of pregnancy, yet I don't have a confirmed pregnancy. What's worse is that at the end of all of this, the "early signs" could be simply from the fertlity drugs. I'm just counting down the days until I can have a blood test, but it doesn't make time pass by any faster. Especially when I have cramping to constantly remind me and make me question...Am I pregnant? or Is it just the medicine?

2 Week Wait

Ahhhh, Josh and I are in our 2 week wait, which is the time we have to wait from the day of our infertility procedure until the day the doctor will do a blood pregnancy test. It's killing us to wait. Each day gets us closer to the magical date (2/20/09) but not any closer to easing our anxiety. We are hoping and praying this procedure will actually take and we will get to announce a happy ending. :-) Crossing our fingers.