One Surgery down...One more to go...

Well, even though I have been sick and running serious fever since Saturday night, I did not let that stop me from driving round one of the American Red Cross Youngblood Van. Since mom is living out in Rockwall, her doctor is in Garland. That meant we had to leave the house at 5:45am. Let me tell you that was not the highlight of my day. Number one, I am not a morning person. Number two; I am really not a morning person when I wake up in a pool of my own sweat because my fever is so high I actually think I'm still dreaming. So, like I said, it was not a good start. We get to the hospital in Garland a few minutes early and thankfully avoided most traffic backups on 635. So Mom checks in and I go find a loveseat to claim as my own for the duration of my wait. It happened to be next to two old men...but heck it was cataract surgery so...they were all old. Anyway, Mom gets finished and comes over to sit down near me. Notice I said near...I wasn't sharing the loveseat. A few minutes pass and Mom busts out her Sudoku. She's obsessed with it. She's minding her own business when Jolly Old St. Nick in front of her with his old man hat and shirt retreating from his waist band starts to "flirt" with my mother. Now, I know a good show when I see one so I sat back and observed the makings of a very comical sitcom. So anyway, Nicky we'll call him for short starts asking my mom questions about Sudoku while old man O'Leary next to him continues to snore away. So my mom cordially answers the questions and carries on conversation. Now, I’m not sure at what point Nicky started joking with my Mom about vision and hearing linked together and since she can’t see she can’t hear either…but it happened. Nicky continues to flirt with my mom and say things like, “Dear, did you know you were here for eye surgery?” As Mom was reading a brochure for the lap band procedure since he wouldn’t leave her alone long enough for her to concentrate on her Sudoku. I don’t know why Nicky thought that was a pick up line, but he was chuckling and very proud of himself. It was greatness, I wish I could have recorded it but I am just now remembering my camera has that feature. Sorry I’ll note it for future moments. After a few more lame jokes old man O’Leary snored so loud he woke himself up. I guess he was half listening to the conversation while he was sleeping because he turns to me and asks, “What time is your mom’s appointment?” The way he said it was as if she really were deaf and couldn’t hear him. The look she gave him was priceless. I looked at him and then at mom and tried to keep in my laughter as I said, “She’s not deaf, she can hear you.” I don’t think I have laughed so hard in all my life. It was really funny. Right before mom gets called back this woman gets up to go make some coffee at the snack bar in the waiting room. All of the sudden you see the nurse running over to the coffee bar and screaming “Don’t put your hand under that.” I look over and this woman is trying to make a pot of coffee WITHOUT the pot. She had a single coffee cup under the drip and was frantically trying to shut it off. That’s when old man O’Leary says (she was the sister in law apparently), “Put her in front of a slot machine and she can figure out how to work it.” Then Nicky got up to go get her and said, “Sit down before you hurt yourself.” I never knew sitting in a waiting room for my mom’s cataract surgery could be so entertaining. Finally mom got called back and the waiting room started to calm down because Nicky and old man O’Leary and the sister-in-law all left. Mom goes back with a lady named Dorothy who I later found out said some pretty funny things herself. I was then left in the waiting room by myself a little nervous for my mom but mostly just trying to rest since I didn’t feel well. That’s when it happened. I pray none of you will ever have to witness the pure torture of what walked in the waiting room. Picture a man in his late 50s with silver and black long hair but it’s all stringy and thinned out. Now picture that hair cut to shape a mullet except for a perfect circle of baldness right on the top of his head. Now take that same image and put 1970’s coke bottle full frame glasses, you know, the kind that is a perfect straight line on top of two large circles. Now, imagine a light blue horizontally striped polo shirt tucked into grey sweatpants that were pulled up to his man boobs and actually looked like capris on a rodeo clown at this point. Now, picture this same man wearing tube socks with flip flops. Yes, that is what walked in the door. I am not kidding at all. I am actually pretty scared from the visual. Finally, about an hour passed and they called to tell me mom was ready to be picked up. I go drive the car around and they wheel her out in a wheel chair and then help her get in the car. She looked HILARIOUS with her eye patch. I told her I had a pirate hat in my classroom and I would be willing to go get it. That’s when my mom told me that when the nurse asked her and Dorothy if they needed to the use the restroom before they got started with the surgery, Dorothy goes on to say, “Yes, I might pee the table.” So they take her to the bathroom. Then the nurse asked Dorothy which eye her surgery was going to be on, and she said…”Oh, I thought it was my jaw.” Mom said she wasn’t trying to be funny either. Oh, good times with the old folks today. Overall, it went well. She will go back tomorrow to have the eye patch taken off and a follow up visit to see how she's doing. She was in very good spirits as she has waited 5 years to have this surgery. She can't wait until she can see! In the mean time, I have decided to affectionately name her Hobbit. And let me just tell you how this little Hobbit of mine has been behaving. First of all, the doctor's instructions were to rest. Plain and simple...REST. Well, do you know what my little Hobbit is doing? Not resting. In fact, I put her down for a nap and decided to take the down time opportunity to nap myself and so sooner had 10 minutes passed she snuck out of her room and was sitting in the living room playing with toys. Okay, so figuratively playing with toys but she wasn't resting. So, I have to remind her that the doctor said rest, as in lying down, resting...and that Hobbit stuck her tongue out at me. Can you believe the nerve of Hobbits these days? I finally got her to listen, though we had to compromise with lying on the couch instead. So here are a few pictures to satisfy your curiosity... sorry I didn’t get any pictures of the wardrobe crisis, Dorothy, Nicky, or Old Man O’Leary.

Here's the Hobbit:


Here's the Hobbit Gone Wild!!!